My Morning with Jena…yes, Jena

To know me is to know that Jena is alive and well…in my heart. She’s the reason I don’t believe in coincidences, she’s the reason why crazy keeps me sane, she’s the reason why I am certain love never ends.

Every morning the first email I check is from “The Universe”…don’t judge…just read. The emails have the uncanny ability to speak directly to me. Yes, I know it’s computer generated and spews out emails to the thousands that subscribe…but still, in my world, it talks to me.

Just read the email, will you?

Prepared? Well, I thought I was.

I grabbed my 3 Jena pennies I recently found, and my very special ‘angel’ that was given to me (love you, Deb♥)

and off I went for my morning guest appearance on WHVW’s radio show, “My Moment of Courage.”

I arrive early to speak with the petite and lovely radio host Ichiko Sudo. She sits next to me and sweetly asks me if I’m nervous.



Ummm…I wasn’t until that email.

“No, I’m fine” I end up saying outloud.

I was invited to be on the show to talk about my personal experience as a mother who lost her child and the courage it takes to transform from a tragedy and make it a positive. Ichiko asks me if I’d be okay focusing on just Jena and not cystic fibrosis for the interview.  As I am beginning to explain that it would be a first for me, I don’t even get to finish my thought of  …’that it would be pretty emotional for me but I’m sure Jena would LOVE to be the focus’… when the Pandora Radio on my iPhone goes off. Full blast. In my pocketbook.

Now listen up people, this ain’t my first radio rodeo and I knew to shut my phone off. IT WAS SILENCED! I swear.

(disclosure: no this is not the actual screen shot, I made a replica to make my point)

I stumble as I try to get the music to turn off…then it registers what is playing…

If you are familiar with Pandora internet radio, you know you can’t control what’s played, you just listen

(clue: reference earlier email from The Universe)

Ok, ok, …moving on…so the music that shouldn’t have been playing, that interrupted me, in the middle of the song was…

‘A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I’ll sell ’em for a dollar
They’re worth so much more after I’m a goner
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’
Funny when you’re dead how people start listenin’

So do I have your attention yet?

I embarrassingly look at Ichiko, I excuse myself, go into the hallway with my music-playing-phone, fiddle with it some more because I am having a hard time turning the damn thing OFF! Finally, the phone is completely shut off and I look up and say, “You’re killing me, Smalls!” with a huge smile on my face.

Now back to the interview, I’m one of two women being interviewed, and the whole 2-person interview is supposed to be recorded but they are having technical difficulties. 3 different issues to be exact. The courageous woman set to go on first is calling in from a landline. It’s a heart wrenching story about what she did for her religious faith and belief in Japan some 25 years ago.  Unfortunately, unless you heard it live, you will not hear it as they had ‘technical difficulties.’

20 minutes later, I’m up.

Coincidentally, the technical difficulties ‘that have never, ever, happened before’ seemed to have all been corrected right before I go on air…hmmmmm?

I can’t help but think of Jena laughing hysterically…wanting it all to be about her.

Ichiko asks me to start in the beginning…so I begin,”It was March 13, 1993…and that’s when my own personal Storm of the Century arrived…”

I talk all about Jena, all about how special she was and is, I cry, Ichiko cries, tissues are out and the interview is over before I know it. But…it’s recorded so I can hopefully get a copy to share with you, too. (Fair warning…you may need a tissue, make that two)

Ichiko gives me this wonderful award:

I thank her, grab my stuff and turn my spirited-playing-phone back on.  I walk down the hall and out the radio station doors. I stop dead in my tracks. This is what is staring directly at me.

I’m laughing to myself, shaking my head, looking up at the sky knowing she’s never far and I tear up again.  I get to my car, open the door, look down and one guess what I find?

I pick it up, smile, and drive home, top down, hair blowing in the wind, knowing she’s shining down on me, and thinking how nice it was spending the morning with her.

I arrive home only to see yet another beautiful rose in my Jena Rose Garden.

To know me is to know that Jena is alive and well…in my heart.

She’s the reason I don’t believe in coincidences, she’s the reason why crazy keeps me sane, she’s the reason why I am certain love never ends.

I love you baby girl.♥

Let’s do it again real soon, okay?

P.S.  The lyrics are from the song “If I Die Young” by The Band Perry. It’s also the song that makes me think Jena wrote it for me…kind of like emails from The Universe 😉

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  1. I have tears streaming down my face as I read this… truly amazing… your little girl is right beside you.

  2. What a Wonderful Morning and Message. Thank you for Sharing your Day with Jena.1

  3. Debbie Chianelli says:

    All I can say is WOW….that’s just awesome. I so agree that there are no coincidences……:-)

  4. Isn’t it amazing when you get those signs? My Mother gave me her sign she was with me as my daughter graduated this year from middle school as Co valedictorian. I was just day dreaming how she so loved such events when she gave me her sign she was with us. I love those Mom/God winks. The feeling they give is heartwarming to say the least. So glad Jena gave you her presence !!

  5. Guess I needed a good cry, followed by a soft smile. You are one amazing woman. Thank you for sharing Jena with us again.

    • Sorry for the tears but so glad you smiled 🙂

      It’s quite selfish of me wanting to share Jena with the world…I’m just so glad people love to *spend time* with her too

  6. donna shafir says:

    You never cease to amaze me. You are my hero. You are my earth angel. Thank you for being you. You help me believe each day to trust the universe.
    God bless Jena, who continues to let us know she’s here with us each and every day, and to remind us to just listen with our eyes wide open.

  7. Jo-Ann Schaffer says:

    Margarete…I knew Jena would be with you today…she never ceases to amaze me. She is so busy with her Angel Work. She is so present!

    God Bless

  8. Michael Garis says:

    I have been a “lurker” for a while. Quietly reading your posts and shedding some tears. With 3 children of my own I understand about the power of love for them. I am going to say what others have said, you are truly amazing. Please do not forget to share the link to the interview. I am looking forward to it.


  9. That was so beautiful, I cant stop crying. I feel your pain of missing Jena but at the same time feeling joy that you can see her messages that she REALLY is with you AND KEEPS you laughing.

    • mary ann lobdell says:

      beautiful mother…beautiful child.. God bless..l hope your angel looks for carlys papa..i know he would love her!

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